I just wanted to check in for a little update. The physical side affects from quitting my medicine are getting a little better every day. The nausea and strong headaches are gone, leaving me with dizziness and really weird electric shock-like sensations in my head. I'm glad that at least the physical symptoms are getting better.
Unfortunately I can't say the same about my mental symptoms. Every day I wake up with anxiety and my emotions are all over the place. The worst thing, is that everything feels so unreal :(. My house doesn't
feel like home and my usual daily activities feel strange, like I've never done them before. I feel sort of alienated from myself, am I still me? Like my brain has to start over and has to get to know and learn
everything again. This to me, is the worst thing, because when I experience anxiety I tend to cling to things that feel familiar and safe, but nothing feels that way.
I'm also mad at my therapist, while I had doubts, he assured me that from 30mg to 0mg was a standard reduction, but if I had the choice again, I would definitely have taken it much and much slower. I just want to shake him and yell at him, I guess it sort of feels nice to focus on blaming someone, though I know he probably couldn't have guessed this.
It's hard, when I feel this way, to focus on the feeling better part. Everybody says it only takes a couple of weeks, and than the withdrawal symptoms will fade away. But it's so hard to believe and I'm so scared that it never will, that I just won't be able to live without the junk.
I'm not writing this for pity by the way, It just helps me to write it down and maybe let you guys know how it feels, how I feel...
I'm so glad the sun is shining...